Bake Jokes / Recent Jokes

I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents'
house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a
non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays.
I thought my mother and by date would hit it off like partridges
and pear trees.

So, I was wrong.

Sue me.

I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the
invitation. "I know these family things can be a little weird," I
told her, "but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun
on Christmas Eve."

"Sounds fine to me," Karen said.

I had only known by mother for 31 years when I told her I'd be
bringing Karen with me. "She's a very nice girl and she's really
looking forward to meeting all of you."

"Sounds fine to me," my mother said.

And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me's.
What more...

I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents' house on Christmas Eve. I felt it would be interesting for a non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays. I truly thought my mother and my date would hit it off like partridges and pear trees.
Boy, was I wrong. Sue me!
I had only known Linda for three weeks when I extended the invitation. "I realize these family things can be a little weird," I told her, "but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun on Christmas Eve."
"Sounds fine to me," Linda said.
I had only known my mother for 30 years when I told her I'd be bringing Linda with me. "She's a very nice girl and she's really looking forward to meeting all of you."
"Sounds fine to me," my mother said.
And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me's. What more could I want?
I should probably point out that in Italian households, Christmas Eve is more...

A blonde was trying to bake a cake for her boyfriend’s birthday. She went through six boxes of cake mix just trying to bake this cake.
She was very frustrated because every time she put the cake in the oven, the candles melted!

' Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On, A Cowboy's Guide To Life'
by Texas Bix Bender

--------------------------------------------------

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Never ask a man the size of his spread.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Never ask a barber if he thinks more...

A blonde was trying to bake a cake for her boyfriend's birthday. She went through six boxes of cake mix just trying to bake this cake.
She was very frustrated because every time she put the cake in the oven, the candles melted!