Baby Jokes / Recent Jokes
I finished the Oreo's.""Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds.""Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!""I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!""Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl.""Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.""Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt.""Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!""I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?""Are your ankles supposed to look like that?""Get your *own* ice cream.""Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today.""Got milk ?""Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.""Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of more...
some reliyivs com buy to see the new baby.
we asked can we see the new baby?
not yet said the 65 year old mother.
canwe see it now? not yet.thirty minits past.
can we see the baby now? not yet.
can we see it now? not yet.growingvery impatentthey asked well when can we see it.
when it crys. when it crys why do we have to wate till it crys.
BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT IT!!!
buy,
chance
hockeborn!!!
They came up with a machine that when a girl has a baby, they can transfer the pain from the girl to the father. So they tried it out. They transfered it to the father on one girl that was having a baby. They transfered 25% of it to the father, he did not feel anything. So they transfered 50% still he did not feel anything, then 75%, then 100%, still he did not feel anything. So he went home and he saw the milk man spilled milk all over.
Q: What's the difference between cows and infants?
A: Cows turn water into milk.. . .
An italian man buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced "a typical Italian" baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!" was heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you`re the father of the typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeenpounds," The bartender is puzzled, concerned, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth." The Italian father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in to the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
A soldier comes back from the Iraq war after two years to find that his wife has just had a baby.Puzzled, he goes to see his doctor."Well," The doctor explains, "It's what we call a grudge baby.""What's that?" The confused soldier asks."The result of someone having it in for you while you were away."
After losing his penis in a horrible accident, Schreiber went to doctor after doctor, but none could help. Finally a plastic surgeon was able to substitute a baby elephant trunk for the missing member.
Overcome with joy over the good news, the worked decided to have dinner with his wife at a fancy italian restorante to celebrate. Before he had a chance to tell his wife the news, the trunk came up from his pants and grabbed a roll off the table and then disappeared into his pants.
Schreiber's wife demanded an immediate explanation, and, upon learning of the opperation became very excited. "Tell me," she asked, "Can you do that roll trick again?"
"I think so," said Schreiber, "But, to be honest, I don't know if I can handle another bun up my ass."