Baby Jokes / Recent Jokes
Did you hear about the baby mouse that saw a bat?
He ran home and told his mother he`d seen and angel¦
Dilman from the lower valley decided he wanted to get married and brought up the subject with his Ma and Pa over grits and gravy the other night.
"Dil," Ma said, "you can't get married yet; why you're the baby of the family."
"But Ma," Dil protested, "I had my 38th birthday just last week."
"We know that, Dil," Pa chimed in. "But your Ma and me think you should put off getting married until after you graduate from high school."
Dating process:
6 weeks: I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months: Of course I love U.
6 years: GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?
Back from Work:
6 weeks: Honey, I'm home.
6 months: BACK!!
6 years: What did your mom cook for us today??
Gifts:
6 weeks: Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months: I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living
room.
6 years: Here's the money. Buy yourself something.
Phone Ringing:
6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months: Here, for you.
6 years: PHONE RINGING.
Cooking:
6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years: AGAIN!!!
Apology:
6 weeks: Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months: Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years: What's not to understand about what I just said??
New Dress:
6 weeks: Oh my God, you more...
POEM # 1
Roses are red,
Pickles are green,
I love your legs and what's between.
POEM # 2
Roses are red,
Grass is green,
Open your legs,
And I'll fuck you clean.
POEM # 3
I like your style,
I like your class,
but most of all I like your ass.
POEM # 4
Im a cool girl, in a cool town,
It takes a real mother fucker to put me down.
POEM # 5
Kissing is a habit,
Fucking is a game,
Guys get all the pleasure,
Girls get all the pain.
The guy says I love you,
You believe it's true,
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says "to hell with you".
10 minutes of pleasure,
9 monthes in pain,
3 days in hospital,
A baby without a name.
The baby is a bastard,
The mother is a whore,
This never wouldn't have happened,
If the rubber hadn't torn.
POEM # 6
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.
POEM # 7
Smoke a smoke,
Not a butt;
Fuck a more...
Laurel and Loren finally had three children before they stopped. Liberal as they were, they knew that one in every four babies born is Chinese, and they only wanted American children.
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup! ”
Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about.
1) Can you cry under water?
2) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3) What disease did cured ham actually have?
4) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
5) Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
6) Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
7) Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
8) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
9) If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, then why is there a stupid song about him?
10) If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
11) Why do people point to their wrist when more...