Babies Jokes / Recent Jokes
The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father-- a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's problem by impregnating the wife.
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The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to arrive at any time. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off. The government man should be here soon."
Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the doorbell...
Mrs. Smith: "Good morning."
Salesman: "Good morning, madam. You don't know me, but I've come to..."
Mrs. Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you."
Salesman: "Really? Well, good. I've made a specialty of more...
"I know how babies are made," boasted one small fry to another. "That's nothing," the second small fry replied, "I know how they're not."
To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday:
Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....
Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing more...
...a study has shown that teen pregnancy is up among teens who watch "racy" TV shows like "Sex and the City", "Friends", and "Hey! We're Teenagers, Lets Get Pregnant!"
Shalu, A second grader came home from school and said her mother, "Mom, guess what! We learned how to make babies today
A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"
"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," the teenager asked, "won't it knock all my teeth out?"
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em!