Authority Jokes / Recent Jokes

When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he'll ever make.
Some men who speak with authority at work know enough to bow to a higher authority at home
A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look off a married man's face
Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest.
An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merg.
Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle.
Getting married is one mistake every man should make.
A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.
Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence.
The argument you just won with your wife isn't over yet.
and lastly............
Before criticizing your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from gettting a better husband that the one she married!!

proof by example:
The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.
proof by intimidation:
"Trivial."
proof by vigorous handwaving:
Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
proof by cumbersome notation:
Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.
proof by exhaustion:
An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is useful.
proof by omission:
"The reader may easily supply the details"
"The other 253 cases are analogous"
"..."
proof by obfuscation:
A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.
proof by wishful citation:
The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims.
proof by funding:
How could three different government agencies be wrong?
proof by more...

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it.

During a news conference yesterday in Iraq, President Bush ducked two shoes that were thrown at him by an Arabic television correspondent. An Iraqi authority was asked if the man would be punished. "Of course, he will punished," the Iraqi authority said, "he missed."

As a result of DOD budget cutbacks, we are forced to reduce the size of the force. Under CRAP, older soldiers will go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of lower paid soldiers who represent the Army's future.
A program to phase out older soldiers via retirement by the end of the current fiscal year will be placed in effect. the program will be known as Retire Active Personnel Early (RAPE).
Employees who are RAPEd will be given the opportunity to seek civilian employment within the Department of the Army. To that end, RAPEd soldiers will be required to fill out numerous DA Forms (currently in the development, test, and evaluation stage) detailing their education and experience.
This phase does not guarantee retired soldiers a civil service position; it does, however, guarantee that the soldier's unique capabilities will be considered before being bypassed in the hiring process. This phase of CRAP is known as Survey of Capabilities of Retired Warriors more...

As a result of DOD budget cutbacks, we are forced to reduce the size of the force. Under CRAP, older soldiers will go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of lower paid soldiers who represent the Army's future.A program to phase out older soldiers via retirement by the end of the current fiscal year will be placed in effect. the program will be known as Retire Active Personnel Early (RAPE).Employees who are RAPEd will be given the opportunity to seek civilian employment within the Department of the Army. To that end, RAPEd soldiers will be required to fill out numerous DA Forms (currently in the development, test, and evaluation stage) detailing their education and experience.This phase does not guarantee retired soldiers a civil service position; it does, however, guarantee that the soldier's unique capabilities will be considered before being bypassed in the hiring process. This phase of CRAP is known as Survey of Capabilities of Retired Warriors (SCREW).Soldiers who more...

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A video of actor Tom Cruise touting himself and fellow Scientologists as "authorities on the mind" has appeared on the Internet.

Tom Cruise is an "authority on the mind" like Queen Latifah is an authority on the body.