Attendant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him."
With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.
"There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say 'my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.
"He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her more...

A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him."With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop."There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say 'my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket."He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband."Darling, more...

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
2. Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. Whoa!"
5. After a more...

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $1. 50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.."

Reportedly a true story:

On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, South Africa; a middle-aged, visibly well-off white South African lady found herself sitting next to a well dressed black gentleman.

She called the cabin attendant over to complain about her seating.

'What seems to be the problem, Madam?' asked the attendant.

'Can't you see?' she loudly snapped,' You've sat me next to a Kaffir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting man. Find me another seat!'

'Please try to be calm, Mam,' the stewardess replied.' I believe the economy section is completely full today, but I'll go and check to see if we have any upgraded seats available in club or first class.'

The woman cocked a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (as well as many of the other nearby passengers). Minutes later the stewardess returned.

'Mam, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, more...

A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she’s trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, “I’ve got just the thing for you madam. I’ll just get him. ”
With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. “This dog is a special dog, ” he tells her. “It is able to fly, ” he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.
“There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say ‘my’, he’ll eat whatever you’ve mentioned. Watch. “My apple! ” The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.
“He’s cute, and so unusual. I’ll take him, ” she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her more...

A water leak had developed in the galley of an
airliner on the long trans-pacific flight to Manila.

Water eventually soaked the carpet throughout the
aft cabin of the 747.

A very sleepy woman, who had become aware of the dampness,
tugged at a flight attendant's skirt as she passed by.
'Has it been raining?' she asked, blinking sleepily.

The flight attendant, keeping a straight face, gently replied:
'Yes, but we put the top up,' and patted the woman's sholder.

With a nod, a smile and a sigh of relief, the woman went back to sleep.