Attendant Jokes / Recent Jokes

On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.

"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the attendant.

"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"

"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class".

The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied more...

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem? ”
“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine, ” explained the Flight Attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot. ”

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink
orders.

The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed
before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like
drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by
a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"

The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
"I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."

As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a coke... NOW!"
The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot's attitude, brings back a coke for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy.
As the guy points this out, the parrot drains his glass and screams:
"Get me another coke or I'll really create a scene!"
Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another coke, but still no coffee.
Irritated at her forgetfulness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I'll create a scene that will make HIS look like a Victorian tea party!"
The next moment, both the guy and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency more...

On a Sunday evening, a young woman was driving herself to a meeting she had up north the next day when she noticed that she was running low on gas and didn't know where the next gas station was. Just as she thought she would have to pull over and sleep the night on the side of the road, she came across a rather dodgy-looking petrol station.

When she pulled in, the attendant made his way around the car and seemed to be very distracted when she asked him to fill it up, She even thought that the man was making faces at her! He finally agreed to get the gas, but then asked her to pop open the hood of the car because there "seemed to be a problem."

Naturally, the woman became a little anxious - she was all alone in a remote gas station, out in the middle of nowhere and it was obvious that the attendant was trying to find reasons to keep her there.

He asked her to come look at the engine, because he had to "show her something". Not more...

A blonde boards a flight going to New York and sits in first class. A flight attendant asks to see her ticket. It's a coach ticket. The flight attendant politely asks her to move. "I can do what eva I want! I'm a blonde." says the blonde. The flight attendant tells one of the other flight attendants that the blonde won't move. The second flight attendant walks up to the blonde and says something to her and the blonde goes to coach. "What did you say to her?" asks the first flight attendant. "I told her that first class wasnt going to New York, only coach is."

A beautiful woman boarded a jet and took a seat in the first class section. The flight attendant checked her ticket and said "You're in the wrong section. This ticket is for coach. You'll have to move."
The woman replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami."
The attendant called for the captain who checked her ticket and also told her she had to move and again she replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami."
After some thought, the captain whispered into her ear and the woman got up and moved back to coach.
"Captain, what did you say to get her to move?" asked the flight attendant.
Captain replied, "I told her that the first class section doesn't land in Miami."