Artie Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
    A' friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of' Artie.'
    Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5, 000.
    The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
    Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
    A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Woolworths store. There, he surprised her in the produce department more...

    This young husband realizes he has made a mistake marrying his wife and decides to have her offed for her insurance. Through a friend of a friend, the young husband locates "Artie" who has done these contracts before.
    Artie meets with the young husband and Artie agrees to do the job for $10,000 with $5,000 upfront. The husband says he doesn't have that kind of money now but will when he collects the insurance money. Artie says he still wants something. What's in his wallet? The young husband pulls out his wallet and shows Artie a dollar. Artie takes the dollar as the down payment.
    Artie tails the wife and follows her into the produce section of a grocery store. Thinking they're alone, Artie approaches the wife and chokes her to death. A produce worker comes up having seen the whole thing. Not wanting to leave any witnesses, Artie chokes him to death, too. Unbeknownst to Artie, this is all captured on the in-store camera. Artie is caught. The headlines the next day more...

    one english man discovered his wife was having an affair, overcome by rage he decided to kill her, so he went to a hitman named Artie, whom he met through a friend, Artie agreed to do the job for a pound (

    A man want's his wife killed so he calls a hit man named Artie, a jatt. Artie is an old friend of the man and he agrees to kill the man's wife for just one dollar.
    So Arti follows the man's wife to Farmer Jacks Grocery store and sees the man's wife. He gets out of his cars and as the man's wife is getting out of her car he goes up to her and chokes her. A guy that worked at the grocery store saw what Arti did and Arti had to go over and choke him too. Then a elderly lady seen what happened and Arti had to choke her too. Again another person seen what was going on and Arti had to choke that person too. Finally the Police came and aressted Arti. The next day on the front page of News Paper the Headline said' Arti- chokes four for a dollar at Farmer Jacks.'

    A doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.
    "Art, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."
    "Yes, sir!" answers Art.
    The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Artie, how was your day?"
    Art told him that he had just of three patients. "The first one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX."
    "Well done, mate; and the second one?" asks the doctor.
    "The second one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL, sir," says Art.
    "Spot on! You're good at this; and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
    "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Quick as a flash, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreads her legs and more...

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