Anniversary Jokes / Recent Jokes

After work on a Friday evening, three guys were sitting in a bar, talking. One was a doctor, one was a lawyer, and one was a biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."
After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied, "Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured that if she didn't like the pearls, she would at least like the trip, and she would know that I love her."
The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah? Well, for my anniversary, I got my old lady a T-shirt and a vibrator. I figured that if she didn't like the T-shirt, she could go f*** herself."

With their 30th wedding anniversary approaching, Ron asks his wife, Sylvia, what she wants to celebrate the occasion.
"Would you like to have a new mink coat?" Ron asks.
"No, not really," Sylvia responds.
"Well, how about a new Porche?" asks Ron.
"No, thanks," Sylvia replies.
"What about a new vacation home in the country?" Ron suggests.
"No," says Sylvia.
"Well, what would you like for your anniversary?" Ron asks.
"I'd like a divorce, Ron," answers Sylvia.
"Sorry, honey, I wasn't planning on spending that much," replies Ron.

Today is the anniversary of the day Helen Keller learned to spell water. Today, most schoolkids can't spell it.

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at leastlike the Mercedez, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied; "Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, she would at leastlike the trip, and she would know that I love her." The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said; "Yah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a tee-shirt and a vibrator. Ifigured if she didn't like the tee-shirt, she could go fuck herself."

fun! :-)
A-Day minus 5"Jimmy, whatever happened to that nice Max Iceberg? I haven't seen him since he came to our wedding ten years ago."
A-Day minus 4"Look at this ad. It's the exact same set of dishes the girls gave me at work for my bridal shower ten years ago."
A-Day minus 3"You know, you don't look a day older than when we got married ten years ago. I'm glad you've kept yourself in such good shape."
A-Day minus 2"Look Jimmy, I can still fit into my wedding dress. See? You're not the only one who's kept in shape these past ten years."
A-Day minus 1"Remember how nervous you were at our wedding rehearsal dinner ten years ago tonight? I was afraid you weren't gonna show up at the church."
Anniversary"Oh Jimmy darling. For me? You remembered."

What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professionalman who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them onlybecause no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela LeeAnderson; Wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome offa flag pole. What men get: Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extralbs the moment after she says "I Do", beginning with the wedding cake! What women want in bed: A passionate lover who takes the time to kissand gently caress, slowly building up to a wonderful joyous experiencetogether. What they get: "Wham-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am!", Belch, Fart, ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzWhat men expect out of a marriage: 3 loving children who honor theirparents. What they get: 3 helions who are a combination of their parents everyfault and make their life a living hell. 1st anniversary card from husband to wife: "My sweet loving more...

It’s the 5th anniversary of the Iraq war. The MASH TV show lasted 12 years, based on a three-year war. Airing of the new TV series MASH: Iraq is expected to end in 2063.