Animal Jokes / Recent Jokes

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad, funny kind of movie, you know the type.

In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the movie.

After the movie had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That`s the most amazing thing I`ve ever seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. It`s remarkable!"

"Yeah, it is," said the man. "He hated the book."

"Some plants," said the teacher, "have the prefix "dog. For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by' dog'."
"I can," shouted a little redhead from the back row, "Collieflower!"

"How are things going?" one bee asked another.
"Terrible," the second bee replied. "I can't find any flowers or pollen anywhere."
No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down this street until you see all the cars. There's an outdoor bar mitzvah going on with lots of flower arrangements and fresh fruit."
"Thanks!" said the second bee, buzzing off. Later the two bees ran into one another, and the second bee thanked the first bee for the tip. Then the first bee asked, "But what's that thing on your head?"
My yarmulke," the second bee replied. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

This just in to the news desk--A thirty-nine year old German man has married his dying, asthmatic cat. The couple honeymooned afterwards and apparently got a Little Friskie.

A performing octopus could play the piano, the zither and the piccolo, and his trainer wanted him to add the bagpipe to his accomplishments. With this in mind, a bagpipe was placed in the octopus' room and the trainer awaited results.
Hours passed, but no bagpipe music was heard. Since the talented octopus usually learned quickly, the trainer was disturbed. Opening the door the next morning, he asked the octopus, "Have you learned to play that thing yet?"
"Play it?" retorted the octopus. "I've been trying to lay it all night!"

1.) What kind of animal hates to do it's laundry the most?
A Leopard because he has so many spots.

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me: TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note), TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the more...