Angus Jokes / Recent Jokes

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house, exclaiming,
"Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly? I can't
button me pants."
"Oh, Angus...I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if
Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."
About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling
and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door
with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.
The little lady looks at him and says "My God, what in hell's name happened
to you? Did you ask her like I told you?"
"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did.
Everything was goin fine, but when she bent doon to bite off the wee
thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in."

Angus McClod walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to go down to the basement and deplete his supply of the rare and expensive liquor, pours a shot of ten-year Scotch and figures that his customer won't be able to tell the difference. Angus downs the Scotch and says: "My good man, that Scotch is only ten years old. I specifically asked for forty-year old Scotch."
Amazed, the bartender reaches into a locked cabinet underneath the bar and pulls out a bottle of twenty-year old Scotch and pours the man a shot.
The customer drinks it down and says, "That was twenty-year old Scotch. I asked for forty-year old Scotch."
So the bartender goes into the back room and brings out a bottle of thirty-year old Scotch and pours the customer a drink. By now a small crowd has gathered around the man and is watching anxiously as he downs the latest drink.
Once again Angus states the true age of the Scotch and more...

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.
After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.
‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time. ’
‘Well, ma laddie, ’ says his mother, ‘I suggest you don’t associate with people like that. ’
‘Oh, ’ says Angus, ‘I don’t, Mam, I don’t. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes. ’

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. Im fine, Angus said. But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time. Well, ma laddie, says his mother, I suggest you dont associate with people like that. Oh, says Angus, I dont, Mam, I dont. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes.

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said,"A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. .. perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.
The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin. .. perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin. .. perhaps its aboot time you let me poot ma hand on more...

Two Scots, Rabby and Angus are playing golf and come upon a water hole.

Rabby tees up and hits it into the middle of the pond.
He reaches into his bag to find that he is out of balls. He then asks Angus for
a ball and proceeds to hit it into the pond as well.
This goes on for 3 or 4 more times and when he asks Angus for yet another ball, Angus replies."Rabby, these
balls cost me a pretty penny!"

Rabby replies "Ouch!, Angus if you can not afford to play the game, you should not be out here!"

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.' I'm fine,' Angus said.' But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.'' Well, ma laddie,' says his mother,' I suggest you don't associate with people like that.'' Oh,' says Angus,' I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes.'