Analysis Jokes / Recent Jokes

It's that time of year again. You know, all full of holly, HO HO HO and snow. In fact I've just cleared the desktop in preparation for the celebration. Accountants are never too slow in doing their calculations, and this time of year is no exception.
A mystery "chain fax" that submits that the Father Christmas myth to scientific analysis has popped up in the City, much to the amusement of money men, who are chuckling at the sight of the bearded old fraud being ruthlessly audited. The analysis calculates that there are possibly 378 million children in the Christian world; at just over 4. 1 per household, that's 98. 1 million homes. "One presumes that there's at least one good child in each".
Time zones give Santa 31 hours of Christmas to work with, which means 822. 6 visits per second. "This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of his sleigh, fill the stockings. .. [and] get more...

System analysis is the process of finding exactly the right wrench to pound in the required screw.

Why is a physician held in much higher esteem than a statistician?
A physician makes an analysis of a complex illness whereas a statistician makes you ill with a complex analysis!

Analysis:1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig.2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant).3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem.Number theory:1. First factorize, second multiply.2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in.Algebra:1. Step 1. Show that the parts of it can be put into the refrig. Step 2. Show that the refrig. is closed under the addition.2. Take the appropriate universal refrigerator and get a surjection from refrigerator to elephant.Topology:1. Have it swallow the refrig. and turn inside out.2. Make a refrig. with the Klein bottle.3. The elephant is homeomorphic to a smaller elephant.4. The elephant is compact, so it can be put into a finite collection of refrigerators. That's usually good enough.5. The property of being inside the referigerator is hereditary. So, take the elephant's mother, cremate it, and show that the ashes fit inside the refrigerator.6. For those who object to method 3 because it's more...