Aim Jokes / Recent Jokes

Deer hunting season is coming up... Here are the secret diary entries from last years deer hunt.

1:00 am - Alarm clock rings.
2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed.
3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.
3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent.
4:30 am - Head into the woods.
6:05 am - See eight deer.
6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 am -' 'Click''.
6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
8:00 am - Head back to camp.
9:00 am - Still looking for camp.
10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is.
Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.
12:15 pm - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.
12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison more...

Two of the most common indications of nervousness are trembling hands and a need to urinate. It's hardly surprising, then, that the floors of men's airport toilets are soaked with piss: most of the gents who use the facilities are at least a little concerned at the prospect of their upcoming flight.

Until recently, the lavatories at Amsterdam's Schiphol airport were no exception, as nervous flyers emptied their bladders everywhere except in the urinals. However after a debate among airport staff, Schiphol hit upon a possible solution.

The cleaners began painting flies on the inside of urinals, the theory being that men would always aim for the little' fellas' (flies) in an attempt to piss them down the drain. And it seems to have worked. With 700 fake flies now resident in the airport's conveniences, the level of splashing has been reduced by 80%, and the toilet manufacturers are now producing a line of' bogs' (toilets) complete with pre-painted more...

“I Am Ashamed Of You” The Mother Said, “Fighting With Your Best Friend Is A Terrible Thing To Do! ”
“He Threw A Rock At Me! ” The Boy Said. “So I Threw One At Him. ”
The Mother Stated, “When He Threw A Rock At You, You Should Have Come To Me. ”
The Boy Quickly Replied, “What Good Would That Has Done? My Aim Is Much Better Than Yours. ”

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!" All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away. Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the redhead yells "HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away. Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets shot.

When you aim for perfection you discover it is a moving target.

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready. . . Aim. . . "

The blonde shouts, more...

Three women were being held in a foreign country. They were slated for the firing squad. The commander yells, "Ready... Aim..." and the brunette yells "Earthquake!!!"Immediately the soldiers fall to the ground and in the confusion the brunette escapes. The commander then tells his soldiers to get up. "Ready... Aim..." and the redhead yells "Tornado!!!"Immediately the soldiers fall to the ground and in the confusion the redhead escapes. The commander then yells to his soldiers to get up. "Ready... Aim..." and the blonde yells "Fire!!!"