Aged Jokes / Recent Jokes

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for the Department areas, we are forced to cut our number of personnel.Under the new plan, older employees will be asked to accept early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans.Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed in effect immediately. The program will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged Personnel Early).Employees who are R.A.P.E.D. will be given the opportunity to look for other employment outside the company. Provided they are being R.A.P.E.D., they can request a review of the employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of retired Early Workers).All employees who have been R.A.P.E.D. or S.C.R.E.W.E.D. may file an appeal with upper management. This will be called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following more...

The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enuff of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married. As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough birth control pills to last a year, lots of vaginal foam, flavored douches, several diaphragms and Lord knows how many condoms. And you don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to seduce? " She smiled slyly and replied, "The Druggist, silly."

"When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry into it when you're talking to them." The youth says that he does not see what the pharmacist means by this, so the pharmacist says that he should observe when the next customer comes in and watch how he or she is dealt with. Presently a middle aged woman comes in to the shop and asks for something for a tummy bug. The pharmacist says, "There's a lot of that virus going about, but this pink mixture should sort you out!""Oh thank you very much!" says the middle aged woman and she leaves the shop. So the pharmacist says the youth can serve the next customer while he goes to tea break, "And remember to put some poetry into it" he says. Anyway, the youth waits around and nobody comes in, so he decides to go to the restroom. Just as he's about to nip off, a young teenage girl comes in." Can I help you?" he asks. She replies very embarrassedly that more...

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?""No, maam," explained the officer, "its your foot."

Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen lived next door to each other for over 40 years, and over the years became loving friends. One day Mrs. Murphy came to Mrs. Cohen and said, "This house is becoming to much for us, let's sell it and each move into a home for the aged.

Each went to a home of their respective religions, and were soon placed.

Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, and one day asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend Mrs. Cohen. When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs and kisses. Mrs. Murphy said "So how do you like it here?"

Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the care takers. She then said, "You know the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend."

Mrs. Murphy said, "Now isn't that wonderful. Tell me what you do."

Mrs. Cohen said, "After lunch we go up to my room, and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch more...