Adjust Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lady goes to the dentist. In the chair, the dentist notices a little brown spot on one of her teeth. "Aha, cavity! I'll have to drill this one out!" says the dentist. "Oh no, I'd rather have a child!!!" cries the lady. "In that case, I will have to adjust the chair first" replies the dentist.
1. Your mattress has turned into a giant sponge. 2. It takes five minutes to unknot your bodies. 3. An earthquake of 3.4 on the Richter Scale is recorded in your area. 4. The cat's exhausted from just watching you. 5. A trampoline company has to come to adjust your bed springs. 6 You've both gone down one clothing size. 7. You cancel your chiropractic appointment. There's nothing left to adjust. 8. You have to breathe into a brown paper bag. 9. Boy, are you hungry! 10. You're absolutely satisfied yet uncontrollably horny at the same time.
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows' 95
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Faberge egg.
December 12
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December more...
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside-down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4
Repaint Cistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows' 95
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Fabrege egg.
December 12
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December more...
Q: How do you give a blonde more headroom?
A: Adjust the steering wheel.
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside
down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for
answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a
cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows' 95
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Faberge egg.
December 12
Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for
decorative pie more...