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TEST: * ****************************************************************** DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read this message ONE LINE AT A TIME and just do what it says. You will be glad you did. If not, you'll feel like an idiot and wish you had listened. * ******************************************************************1) pick a number from 1-92) subtract 53) multiply by 34) square the number (multiply by the same number -- not square root) and if it's negative make it positive. 5) add the digits until you get only one digit (i. e. 64=6 4= 10= 1 0=1)6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise subtract 4. 7) multiply by 28) subtract 69) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, etc... 10) pick a name of a country that begins with that letter11) take the second letter in the country name and think of a mammal that begins with that letter12) think of the color of that mammal********************************************************************DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU more...

Q: Why couldnt the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator? A: She couldnt find the 10 key.

BalloonsObtain access to their getaway car. Fill with balloons. A few extra helium balloons in the trunk with their luggage is a nice touch. Add some peanutsIf you can get access to their luggage after they have packed, add styrofoam peanuts in whatever nooks and crannies are left. Impossible to drive awayJack up the car, put blocks under the axle, then lower the car onto the blocks. When the newlyweds try to make their getaway, watch them rev... and rev... and rev.

Ingredients:

1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 cup nuts
1 cup butter
1 BOTTLE WHISKEY

Procedure:

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Get out a large bowl. Check the whiskey again--to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink it.

Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in the large bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl. Chuck in one cup of fried druit.

Mix on the turner. If fried druit gets stuck in the beatererers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt or something??? Who cares? Check the whiskey again. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Sugar or something. more...

What word grows smaller when you add two letters to it? Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,
here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern
Methodist University:
In-class Assignment for Wednesday:
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting
to his other immediate right. One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will
then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to
re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
reached. The following was actually turned in by two of my English
students, Rebecca [last name deleted] and Gary [last name deleted.] "
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind more...

Mom's Brownies Recipe... Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no." Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will more...