Acme Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B19293, Judge Lance Ito, PresidingWile E. Coyote, Plaintiff-vs. - Acme Company, DefendantOpening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, more...

    Acme Rope, Inc. -
    Knot your ordinary company.
    Acme Mine Shafts -
    Drop in any time
    Acme Lollipops -
    One lick and you'll stick with us.
    Acme Light Company -
    We have lots of bright ideas.
    Acme Clown Make-up -
    Let us put a smile on your face.
    Acme Perfume Corp. -
    We love it when business stinks.
    Acme Air Conditioning -
    We show people how to chill out.
    Acme Toy Company -
    Our work is kids' play.
    Acme Perfume Company -
    Our work is all dollars and scents.
    Acme Almond Company -
    We're nuts!
    Acme Sheep Farm -
    Our mind is on ewe.
    Acme Calculators -
    We help you solve your problems.
    Acme Flower Bulbs -
    We root for you.
    Acme Psychologists -
    Visit us and you won't go away mad!
    Acme Poultry Management -
    Let us count your chickens before they hatch.

    WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff v. s. THE ACME COMPANY, INC., Defendant In the United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B191294, Judge Joan Kujava, Presiding Plaintiff, Mr. Wiley E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to more...

    The Road Runner cannot harm the coyote exept by going "Beep Beep!"
    No outside force can harm the Coyote-only his own ineptitude or the failure of the ACME products.
    The Coyote could stop anytime - IF he were not a fanatic. "A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim" - George Santayana.
    No dialogue ever, except "Beep Beep!"
    The road Runner must stay on the road - otherwise, logically, he would not be called Road Runner.
    All Action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters - the Southwest American desert.
    All material, tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the ACME Corporation.
    Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's greatest enemy.
    The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures

    The Perfect Halloween Costume
    A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
    A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
    Dear Sir,
    Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
    Very truly yours,
    Acme Costume Co.
    The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
    Dear Sir,
    Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
    Very truly yours,
    Acme Costume Co.
    Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his more...

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