1994 Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The following is a list of dead people connected to Bill Clinton. Please
    note the following breakdown of causes, and then think about the statistical possibility of their being random occurrences (especially the plane crashes):
    1. James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an
    apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key
    witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
    2. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
    Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she
    was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.
    3. Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary
    Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
    head, ruled a suicide.
    4. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National
    Committee Chairman. Reported to have died more...

    The following is an exact transcription of a letter John Mongan received from MIT, and the reply that he sent them. Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue their correspondence at that point. I have heard, however, that their recruitment letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once was.
    April 18, 1994
    Mr. John T. Mongan 123 Main Street Smalltown, California 9;;;;,-;;;;,
    Dear John:
    You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised. Most students would be.
    But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.
    The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!
    Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from more...

    In January 1994,' The Economist' magazine reported that one of Secretary of Energy Hazel O'Leary's success stories about government research scientists hired out for civilian business uses was the Argonne National Laboratory's helping McDonald's to find a way to speed up french frying. A team headed by physicist Tuncer Kuzay, who interrupted his work on advanced photons, placed sensors inside the frozen fries and was able to design special frying baskets to deal with the effect of steam created by melting ice crystals and to cut 30 to 40 seconds off each batch's frying time.

    Edward Eugene Harper accused child molester and one of the FBI's10 Most Wanted Fugitives, was apprehended Thursday inWyoming. In 1994 Harper was indicted for conspiracy tocommit sexual battery, fondling a child and sexual battery. He has been living onWyoming since 1994, working odd jobs andherding sheep. Incidentally, he is alsoon PETA’s most wanted list for committing similar crimes.

    This is supposed to be a true story. don't ask me if it really is.


    At the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American Association for
    Forensic Science, AAFS President Don Harper Mills astounded his audience
    San Diego with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the

    On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus
    concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The decedent
    jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide
    left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth
    floor, his
    life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed
    instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety
    had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window
    washers and
    that Opus would not have more...

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