toy Jokes / Recent Jokes

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.
At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won’t feed you fast enough.
Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Cats aren’t clean, they’re just covered with cat spit.
Cats don’t hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don’t, so that’s all right.
Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners more...

The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results. The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy problems in order to get results. The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy problems in order to get results.

The History of Santa Claus - Part 1
======================
== The Untold Story ==
======================
1689
Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and
establishes a small base camp.
1691
Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew
abandons him.
1692
Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe,
bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds
he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703
Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and
returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp,
half-buried but still intact.
1704
Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts,
and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to
increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar
base.
1705
Claus returns again to more...

The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results. The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy problems in order to get results. The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy problems in order to get results.

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy
shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's
in the display window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach
Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,
Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced
Barbie for $265.95".
The amazed father asks: "It's what?!
Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:
"Sir...,"Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and...one of Ken's Friends!

This was posted last year and I haven't seen it yet, so I thought I would send it out for those of you who missed it. Sorry, I forgot to save the author's name, etc. (apologies to the author). As the Christmas season draws nigh, foretelling the end of over a full month of Commercial Christmas, there is a special urgency in the spirits of children as they visit toy stores and toy departments all over the country.
It was with particular urgency that little Wilbert dragged his mother to the toy department in a big Los Angeles department store. Mother quickly steered Wilbert into the line of children waiting to talk to Santa, but Wilbert was far more interested in the hobby horse.
As soon as his mother relaxed her vigilance for a moment, Wilbert vanished from the Santa Queue and began rocking back and forth on the hobby horse. His mother noticed his absence, and after a quick, frantic search, spotted him on the horse. She let him rock for a few minutes, then told him it was time more...

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

[Referring to a glass of water] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning... [Picks up his glass of water from the stool...] I like to live on the edge...

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

I was born by Cesarean section... But not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently, I was rereading it. It said, "Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot." I was upset because on my second birthday, I went from being one to being two, and my age doubled in a year. I figured at this rate, by the time I'm six, I'll be ninety.

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without more...