"Tips to Successfull Dating" joke

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret those hidden signs:

1. Women won't unlock car door for men - Doesn't engage in oral sex

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman - no foreplay

3. Can't hail a cab - impotent

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - prefers virgins

5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - is a virgin

6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan

7. Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive Don Quixote

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho

9. Wants to go to a French Restaurant - will swallow

10. Wants to go to a deli -won't swallow

11. Uses Sweet n' Low - wearing falsies

12. Takes too long deciding what to order - has trouble reaching orgasm

13. Orders salad dressing on the side - will give you a hand job but won't go' all the way'

14. Gives explicit orders to waiter - will expect incredibly skilled gymnastics in bed

15. Asks for extra rolls - will say she's using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue

16. Insists on ordering for you, refering to you as' the lady will have...' - thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't

17. Asks for the' usual' - Insists on missionary position only

18. Asks what the specials are - will want you to use handcuffs

19. Fills up on bread and crackers - premature ejaculator

20. Doesn't finish everything on plate - has already come

21. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered - will make you sleep on wet spot

22. Changes mind after ordering - will never call you

23. Changes tables - nymphomaniac

24. Drinks decaf - fakes orgasms (female)

25. Orders in French - fakes orgasms (male)

26. Sends food back - will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money

27. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - needs you to talk dirty during sex

28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - wants a handjob

29. Orders a dessert involving nuts - castrating bitch

30. Wants to split dessert - is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters

31. Credit card is refused - low sperm count

32. Undertips waiter - small penis

33. Undertips parking valet - small penis

34. Undertips cabbie - small penis

35. Uses toothpick - is trying to tell you size isin't everything

36. Removable cassette player in car - pulls out repeatedly during sex

37. Cellular phone in car - penile implant