"Things (NOT) to Do or Say at or for Your Thesis Defense" joke

1. "Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the singing of our National Anthem..."
2. Charge 25 cents a cup for coffee.
3. "Charge the mound" when a professor beans you with a high fast question.
4. Describe parts of your thesis using interpretive dance.
5. "Musical accompaniment provided by..."
6. Stage your own death/suicide.
7. Lead the specators in a Wave.
8. Have a sing-a-long.
9. "You call THAT a question? How the hell did they make you a professor?"
10. "Ladies and Gentlemen, as I dim the lights, please hold hands and
concentrate so that we may channel the spirit of Lord Kelvin..."