"Some Horror Stories About Airways" joke

> Lufthansa - Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from
> the captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we
> have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the
> ocean" The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation
> but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
> "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency
> and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the
> non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers
> are on
> the right side of the plane" After this announcement all
> the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's
> request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
> The captain once again made an annoucement:"Ladies and Gentlemen we
> have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of
> the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the
> plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane...
> -------------------------------------------------------
> British Airways
> "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like
> to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to
> London.
> We are currently flying at a height of 35, 000 feet midway across the
> Atlantic." "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the
> aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on
> fire.
> If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that
> the
> port wing has fallen off."
> "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow
> life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your
> captain, the co-pilot, and one of the airstewardesses. This is a
> recorded message."
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> Air France -
> There once was a flight heading from London to NewYork. Halfway during
> the flight, the captain suddenly comes over the intercom
> system..."This is Captain Jean-Pierre Lalonde speaking. I have a bit of
> bad news for you. We have lost our first left engine, but never fear,
> we can still make it using only three engines. But because of the loss
> of power, we will be two hours late."Time goes on, and once again the PA
> system crackles to life..."This is again your Captain. We have lost an
> engine on our starboard wing. But rest assured that our plane can fly
> using only two engines. Due to the reduced power, we will now be four
> hours late." The flight goes on, when the passengers hear the no
> familiar sound of the address system... "Guess what, folks! We lost
> another engine, but nothing to fear. We can still make it using only
> one engine. But now we will be six hours late. "On hearing
> this, an elderly lady turned to the person sitting
> next to her, and said:"I hope we don't lose ANOTHER engine. I'll be late
> for my connecting flight from New York!"
> -------------------------------------------
> Philippine Airlines -
> Ladies and Gentlemen, Mabuhay!, this is your Captain Biglang-awa
> speaking, We are now over the Philippine trench where you can find the
> deepest part of the Pacific ocean. Here you can also find almost all the
> ferocious creatures in the sea, there's the killer sharks, barracudas
> and many others. And now for the finale, please, stay calm and don't panic
> for both our engines are dead and we are now going down into that ocean.
> Please wear your life vest. We are going to crashland this plane into
> the water. In the meantime, I would like you to follow everything I'm
> going to say, repeat
> after me:
> "Our Father Who are in Heaven.........."

Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them.

As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write more...


One woman says to another, "I can't understand why you haven't gone to see that new gynecologist yet! I mean he's so young and handsome! And your gynecologist is so old!"
The other woman replies with a smile, "Yeah, I know. His hands shake all the time!"


I wonder why a gynecologist leaves the room when women get undressed?


Q, What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A. A genealogist looks up your family tree... A gynecologist looks up your family bush!


A guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, more...

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