"Premature Ejaculation" joke
A man who was having problems with premature ejaculation went to see his doctor to find out what could be done to cure his problem.
"When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try doing something to startle yourself," suggested the doctor.
Taking the doctor's suggestion to heart, the man went out and bought himself a starter pistol. Anxious to try the suggestion, he ran home to his wife and found her naked in bed waiting for him.
As they began, they found themselves in the 69 position. A few short moments later, the man felt the sudden urge to ejaculate, grabbed the pistol and fired it.
The next day, he returned to his doctor.
"Well, how did it go?" the doctor asked.
"Not very well at all," replied the man. "As soon as I fired the pistol, my wife crapped on my face, bit me really hard where it counts most and my neighbor jumped out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. more...
Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!
A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "It's simple. Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.