"Pet Chicken" joke

An old man with a chicken on his shoulder approaches the movie theater window and asks for two tickets.
"Who will be going in with you sir?" asks the girl at the counter.
"Well, my pet chicken, of course," replies the man.
"I'm sorry, sir," the girl says, "there are no animals allowed in the theater."
The man then goes around the corner, stuffs the chicken down his pants, returns to the window, buys his ticket and enters the theater.
Seated inside the theater, the chicken begins to gets hot and starts squirming, so the man unzips his pants so the chicken can stick its head out and watch the movie.
The woman sitting next to him looks down at his lap and is horrified. She leans over to her friend and whispers, "Hazel, the man next to me just unzipped his pants!"
"Blanche, don't worry about it," Hazel whispers back. "You've seen one, you've seen them all."
"I know that, Hazel," Blanche says, "but this one is eating my POPCORN!"

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too more...

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The three words most hated by men during sex:' 'Are you done?'' The three words women hate to hear when having sex...''Honey, I'm home!''
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Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
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Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says "I want four budgies." Salesman-certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female? Newfie-I don't care. I just want 4 budgies! Salesman-certainly sir, what color would you like? We have more...

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Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!

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Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock.
Who's more...

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