"One Thing" joke

A Russian, American, and Pollock are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. Each of them agrees to take one item as they have to continue through the desert on foot.
The Russian and Pollock ask the American what he is going to take.
He said, "the water in case I get thirsty."
They said that's cool.
The American and Pollock ask the Russian what he is going to take.
He said, "the food in case I get hungry."
They said that's cool.
The American and the Russian ask the Pollock what he is going to take.
He said, "the car door in case I get hot all I have to do is roll down the window."

Jamie admits he should have waited for Miley to break up with her dad before suggesting a sex tape.

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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

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Knock Knock Who's there? Audrey! Audrey who? Audrey be doing this! Knock Knock Who's there? Augusta! Augusta who? Augusta go home now! Knock Knock Who's there? Aunt Lou! Aunt Lou who? Aunt Lou do you think you are! Knock Knock Who's there? Ashley! Ashley who? Ashley-t's foot! more...

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A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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