"Old Men's Bodily Functions" joke

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

"No...not really. I pee every morning at 6:00 am. I piss like a race horse; no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble taking a crap?" asked the 70-year-old.

"Well, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30 am."

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 am and take a crap every morning at 6:30. What's so tough about being 80?"

To which the 80-year-old replied, "I don't wake up until 10:00 am."

A FRIEND OF MINE HAS AN 18 YEAR OLD SON NAMED LEROY. HE ATTENDS OAKLAND HIGH SCHOOL WHERE THEY TEACH EBONICS AS A SECOND LANGUAGE. LAST WEEK HE WAS GIVEN AN EASY HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PUT EACH OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS IN A SENTENCE. THIS IS WHAT LEROY more...

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What is the difference between Northern and Southern racism?
A southern racist doesn't mind blacks living nearby, as long as they
don't get "uppity."
A northern racist doesn't mind blacks getting "uppity" as long as they
don't live close.

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THE ORIGINAL VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper more...

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Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was down on his luck,
and as he was looking through the classifieds, he saw an
intriguing ad offering a ten million dollar reward to the person
who could find and retrieve, intact, something called a more...

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A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride. His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him more...

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