"Most embarrassing moments" joke

The following are the top three winners from a "Most Embarrassing Moments" contest in New Woman Magazine:
No. 1
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished.
"To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing!
"I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter."
No. 2
"It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, 'SURPRISE!' My entire family - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and all my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again."
No. 3
"One of the funniest 'most-embarrassing-moment' stories I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear:
'PRICE CHECK ON LANE 13, TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.' That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'tampax for 'thumbtacks.'
"In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why.

"I'll tell you why," scolded Deacon Brown. "Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the more...

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Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I more...

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If you were born between 1940 and 1950, this is for you!. ... If not, pass it on to someone who was.: )) We were born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, xerox, contact lenses, frisbees and the PILL. We were born before radar, credit cards, split atoms, more...

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There are three men a english falla,irish falla and a maori falla. there is a slide next to them, the genie says''ok when u slide down ths u can make a wish. So the english went first and said,''i wish for lots of Chocolate so he landed on a pile of chocolate and grabbed it and more...

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Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish after the other. Ole says to Sven, "I wish we could mark this spot. It’s the best fishing more...

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