"Laughter Galore !!!" joke
Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.Why? Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"__________________________________________Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet! __________________________________________Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap! __________________________________________Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."Wife to husband: "What? At 2 a.m.?!"Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."__________________________________________A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"" Honey, "the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"__________________________________________Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."__________________________________________"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate."Terrible! "the roommate answered." He showed up his 1932 Rolls Royce."" Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?""He was the original owner!"__________________________________________In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told these men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned un-opened."__________________________________________A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"."My father grows beans," said one student."My father cooks beans," said another.Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."__________________________________________Teacher: Let's take the example of the busy ant. He is busy all the time, works all day and every day. Then what happens? Little Johnny: " He gets stepped on. " __________________________________________Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?"Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"Millionaire: "A Billionaire!"
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too more...
There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die...
1. To be shot
2. To be hung
3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death
The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he more...
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
A married man was spending the afternoon with his girlfriend when she asked that he shave his beard.
"I do like your beard, John, but I would really love to see your handsome face," she said.
"My wife loves this beard, honey," he replied. "I more...
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...