"How Do You Deal With Your Wife?" joke
Two men are at work talking about how they deal with their wives when they go for a late night on the town with 'the guys'.
The first one says, "It doesn't matter what I try, my wife always 'busts me' and gives me hell. Sometimes, I'lll turn off the engine to the car a half block away, coast into the driveway so she doesn't hear the engine running, leave the car door slightly open so she doesn't hear the door being closed, tiptoe to the front door, spend a minute unlocking, opening and closing the front door as silently as possible, take off my shoes so she doesn't hear me walking in the house, tiptoe into the bedroom, remove my clothes as silently as possible, then spend a minute getting into bed so the bed doesn't move at all when I lie down next to her, and she always lets out a scream - 'WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN 'TIL TWO IN THE MORNING YOU LOUSY, CHEATING BASTARD?' and continues to nag me for about an hour."
The other guys says, "I use a little different approach. I start honking the horn of the car about half a block away from my house, make sure the wheels screech when I turn into the driveway, drive the car into the garage and hit the garage wall with the bumper, start whoopin' and hollerin' when I enter the house, get naked, jump into bed with the wife, grab her by the butt and ask her if she's horny, and she always pretends to be fast asleep!"
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