"George W. Bush and the Jews" joke
President Bush calls in the head of the CIA and asks, "How come the Jews know everything before we do?
The CIA chief says, "It's simple. The Jews have an expression, Nu, Vus Tutzuch (English translation: What's Happening). They just ask each other and that's how they find out everything."
Impressed, George W. Bush says he personally wants to go undercover to see how this system works.
So the president gets disguised (the hat, beard, long sideburns etc.) as an Orthodox Jew, and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York where he is secretly picked up in an unmarked car and secretly dropped off in Crown Heights, one of Brooklyn's most Jewish neighborhoods.
As the president stands quietly on a busy street corner, a little old Jewish man comes shuffling along. Bush approaches him and whispers "Nu, Vus Tutzuch?"
The old guy whispers back, "Did you hear that putz Bush is in Brooklyn?"
An old man walks into a church, and goes for a confession.
The priest pulls back the window, and the old man says:"Forgive me father, for I have sinned"
The priest says: "Tell me, my son...."
The old man explains: "I am 80 years old, and I more...
Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold more...
The schmuck
Sadie tells Maurice, "You’re a schmuck! You always were a schmuck and you always will be a schmuck! You look, act and dress like a schmuck! You’ll be a schmuck until the day you die! And if they ran a world-wide competition for schmucks, you would be more...
There is a big controversy these days concerning when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered a viable human being until after graduation from medical or law school.
Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A: One less more...