"Funny Ads..." joke
1.) Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
2.) A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
3.) Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
4.) For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
5.) Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
6.) Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
7.) Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
8.) Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
9.) We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
10.) Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
11.) Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
12.) Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
13.) 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
14.) Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
15.) Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
16.) Illiterate? Write today for free help.
17.) Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
18.) At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law."
19.) On a ski lift in Taos, NM: "No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted."
20.) A billboard seen next to the highway, travelling from Johannesburg International Airport into town. An Ad for BMW showing a photo of a BMW 328i convertible with the roof and all the windows down. The caption reads: "Our hardware runs better without WINDOWS!!!"
21.) I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant. The sign read: "Women are not served here. You have to bring your own."
22.) In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
23.) In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."
24.) On a display of 'I love you only' Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
25.) In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
26.) In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
27.) In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
28.) In front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."
29.) Sign in a shoe store: "Come in and have a fit."
30.) Sign on fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
31.) Sign at the dry cleaner's window: "Drop your pants here."
32.) Sign in a Norwegian lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
33.) Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!"
34.) Sign on restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up."
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000.00.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys more...
Diary of a New Snow ShovelerDecenber 8th 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt more...
An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took more...
A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
"Moshe, have you lost your mind? more...
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.