"Engagement" joke

A man walks into a jewelry store on a friday with a sexy blond on tow.
"We would like to have a look at your ring collection" the man says to the jeweler.
The jeweler shows him a couple of rings in the R10k range....
"No" the man replies, "i'm looking for something REALLY nice".
The jeweler then takes him to the back, into the safe and past the security guards to the seriously expensive rings.
The man selects the most impressive one and asks the jeweler - -How much for this one?
R250k replies the jeweler, while watching the blond's face light up like a christmas tree.
OK, i will take it says the man, but can i pay by cheque?
"I am afraid we do not accept cheques" replies the jeweler.
OK says the man- How about i write you the cheque, then you keep the ring and the cheque until the cheque clears, and only then will we pick the ring up.
Fantastic plan, says the jeweler!!
Then the man leaves the jewelry store with a VERY happy blond.
He returns on the Monday with a huge smile and as he walks in the jeweler says " Hey buster your cheque bounced!
"Of course" replies the man " i dont have that kind of cash, but i had one hell of a weekend!!!

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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Our secretary heard this during a talent show at a retirement village.
A retirement village decided to hold a Singles Dance, at which this
very sweet 90-year-old gentleman met a very sweet 90-year-old lady,
and they danced and talked and laughed, and just hit it off more...

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A Little Boy Wasn't Getting Good Marks In School. One Day He Tapped His Teacher On The Shoulder And Said, "I Don't Want To Scare You, But My Daddy Says If I Don't Get Better Grades, Somebody Is Going To Get A Spanking."

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An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and is lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall. One of them says, "Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really
quick." more...

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These three guys - an American, Chinese, and German - were
shipwrecked on a desert island. The German found this smokey bottle.
So he brought it back to the other two and they all opened it togther
(the German was a really nice guy). Well, low and behold, a more...

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