"Doctors V. Gun Owners" joke

Number of physicians in the US = 700,000
Accidental deaths caused by physicians/year =120,000.
Accidental deaths/physician = 0.171
Number of gun owners in US = 80,000,000
Number of accidental gun deaths/year = 1500
Accidental deaths/gun owner =.0000188
Conclusion - Doctors are approximately 9000 times more
dangerous than gun owners!

A man phoned his boss "I need a day off today, something is wrong with my eyes". "What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss. "Don't know, but I can't see myself coming into work today".

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Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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