"Classified Ad Bloopers!" joke
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers: Free Yorkshire Terrior. 8 years-old. Hateful little dog. - ---------------------------------Free Puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog----------------------------------Free Puppies: Part German ShepherdPart Stupid Dog----------------------------------German Shepherd - 85lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free!----------------------------------1 Man, 7 Women hot tub -- $850/offer----------------------------------Amana Washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed. - ---------------------------------Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days. - ---------------------------------2 Wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15. - ---------------------------------Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box, Comes with its own1988 Mustang, 5L, AutoExcellent Condition, $6, 800. - ---------------------------------83 Toyota Hunchback -- $2, 000----------------------------------Star Wars Job of the Hut -- $15----------------------------------Soft & Genital Bath Tissuesor Facial Tischue - $. 89----------------------------------Full-Sized Mattress20 Year WarrantyLike New! Slight urine smell. - ---------------------------------FREE 1 Can of Pork & BeansWith Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home----------------------------------Nordic Track $300Hardly used. Call Chubbie. - ---------------------------------Bill's Septic Cleaning"We Haul American Made Products"----------------------------------Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks----------------------------------HUMMELS - Largest Selection Ever!"If it's in stock, we have it!"----------------------------------Get a Little John: The Traveling UrinalHolds 2 1/2 Bottles of Beer. - ---------------------------------Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club----------------------------------Georgia PeachesCalifornia Grown - $. 89/lb. - ---------------------------------Nice ParachuteNever Opened - Used OnceSlightly Stained----------------------------------American Flag60 Stars - Pole Included - $100----------------------------------Tired of Working for only $9. 75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting Pay: $7-9 per hour. - ---------------------------------Exercise EquipmentQueen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175----------------------------------Our Sofa Seats the Whole Mob! And it's made of 100% Italian Leather. - ---------------------------------Joining Nudist Colony! Must Sell Washer & Dryer - $300----------------------------------Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty. - ---------------------------------Alzheimer's Center Preparesfor an Affair to Remember----------------------------------Gas Cloud Clears out Taco Bell----------------------------------Open House! Body Shapers Toning SalonFree Coffee & Donuts----------------------------------Kellogg's Pot Tarts - $1. 99/box. - ---------------------------------Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Mann $2. 09/lb. - ---------------------------------FOR SALE BY OWNERComplete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes - Excellent condition.$1, 000. 00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
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