"Cannibal and Clown" joke

Nowe u two can rite gud! Howe two rite gudFrank L. ViscoVice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:Avoid alliteration. Always.Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)Employ the vernacular.Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.Contractions aren't necessary.Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.One should never generalize.Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: ''I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.''Comparisons are as bad as cliches.Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.Profanity sucks dick.Be more or less specific.Understatement is always best.Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.One-word sentences? Never.Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.The passive voice is to be avoided.Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.Who needs rhetorical questions? Be careful to use apostrophe's correctly.Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.And never start a sentence with a conjunction.

A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless." Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts." Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven." Incredibly, he more...

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A four-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad.

That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a more...

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A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits an English farmer.

"So, English farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"

"Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front more...

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Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a leetle lumber from dat new construction site."

Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son"?

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole more...

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One mahatma, a famous saint, died -- must have been someone like Muktananda. One of his supporters died the next day. When the disciple reached heaven, the first thing that he was interested in was, "Where is our guru, our Muktananda? He must be enjoying -- he must have more...

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