"An Essex girl goes to the council to register for..." joke
An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?" "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne" "Doesn`t that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER`S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That`s easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames."
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
One day Rastus and Liza Jane were sitting at the bus stop when Rastus ups and asks, "Liza Jane can I's look up your dress before the bus gets here?"Liza Jane was startled and said, "No Rastus you cain't!"Well Rastus persisted and persisted till finally Liza more...
An angel wrote:
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
If someone betrays you once, more...
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...