"Additions to Periodic Table of Elements" joke

-TWO NEW ADDITIONS TO THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS
1) Element Name: WOMANIUM
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing
and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not
used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses
strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food.
Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income-reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!
2) Element Name: MANIUM
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure
sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as
easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO
any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself.
Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged
period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly a good methane source. Good samples are able
to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.
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