"A new government 10 year survey " joke

A new government 10 year survey cost $3, 000, 000, 000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population. According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority. Did you know that 87. 166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed? 80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot. According to a recent survey, 33 of the people say they participate in surveys. Q: What do you call a statistician on drugs? A: A high flyer. Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 1-3, alpha =. 05There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates. Q: Did you hear about the statistician who invented a device to measure the weight of trees? A: It's referred to as the log scale. Q: Did you hear about the statistician who took the Dale Carnegie course? A: He improved his confidence from. 95 to. 99. Q: Why don't statisticians like to model new clothes? A: Lack of fit. Q: Did you hear about the statistician who was thrown in jail? A: He now has zero degrees of freedom. Statisticians must stay away from children's toys because they regress so easily. The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker's convention. Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting. Old statisticians never die, they just undergo a transformation. Q: How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another? A: Check the p-value. Q: Did you hear about the statistician who made a career change and became an surgeon specializing in ob/gyn? A: His specialty was histerectograms. The most important statistic for car manufacturers is autocorrelation. Some statisticians don't drink because they are t-test totalers. Others drink the hard stuff as evidenced by the proliferation of box-and-whiskey plots. Underwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization. The Lipton Company is big on statistics--especially t-tests.

comments (0)