Youd Jokes

Son: Where are the Himalayas? Father: If youd put things away, youd know where to find them.

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playinglike they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband hashis lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no,"youre gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like youd hold your wifes breast."The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife cant wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, youre gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like youd hold your husbands penis." The wife listens carefully to the pros advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway. . . about 15 ft. more...

Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, youd stand up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "youd stand up and let four people sit down."