Yeah Jokes / Recent Jokes

LEVEL 1: It’s 11: 00 on a weeknight, you’ve had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, “Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I’m cool. ”
LEVEL 2: It’s midnight. You’ve had a few more beers. You’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you’re thinking, “Hey! I’m out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I’m cool. ”
LEVEL 3: One in the morning. You’ve abandoned beer for tequila. You’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you’re thinking, “Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen! ” At level three, you love the more...

Guy:how do you like your eggs in the morning?
woman:unfertilized
Guy:my place or yours??
Woman:both, I'll go to mine and you'll go to yours!
Guy:is this seat empty?
Woman:yeah, and this one will be if you sit down!
Guy:Hey baby whats your sign?
Woman:Do not enter
Guy:I would go to the end of the world for you!
Woman:Yeah, but would you stay there?
Guy:If I saw you naked, I'd die happy!
Woman:If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Guy:Have I seen you someplace before?
Woman:Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore!
Guy:what do you do for a living?
Woman:I'm a female impersonator.
Guy:your body is like a temple!
Woman:Sorry, there are no services today.

Woody: “What’s shakin’ mister Peterson? ”
Norm: “All four cheeks and a couple of chins. ”
Woody: “How’s it goin’ Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearin’ Milkbone underwear. ”
Woody: “Can I draw you a beer Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “I know what they look like, just give me one. ”
Woody: “What’s goin’ down Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “My butt on that stool. ”
Norm: “I’m the ideal weight for someone 10 feet tall. ”
Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.
Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Hey I’m high on life, Coach…. Of course, beer is my life.
Coach: How’s a beer sound, Norm?
Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.
Coach: What’s up, Norm?
Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.
Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, more...

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you??" The farmer said, "Yeah, I want to get one of them dayvorces." The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yeah, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yeah, I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes, sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays." The exasperated attorney said, "Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4: 30." Finally, the attorney said, "Okay, let me more...

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

There was this married couple who showed up for their honeymoon at a fishing resort on the edge of a beautiful lake. They arrived very early in the morning after a long drive and the man immediately went out fishing alone in a rowboat.
He returned just before dinner and then went out again until the sun fell. He then went to drink alone in the bar until midnight. The next morning, he awoke before five and was out again on the lake before the sun came up.
This went on for three days. The manager of the hotel started wondering about the man and took him aside.
"What's wrong? Most newlyweds can't keep their hands off each other. But you hardly spend any time with her. You're always out on the lake fishing."
"Yeah. I like women. But my wife, she has gonorrhea."
"Oh! I understand. But still, a man has urges. And there are other ways, like..."
"Yeah. I've thought of having anal sex with her, but you know... she has more...

There was this married couple who showed up for their honeymoon at a fishing resort on the edge of a beautiful lake. They arrived very early in the morning after a long drive and the man immediately went out fishing alone in a rowboat.He returned just before dinner and then went out again until the sun fell. He then went to drink alone in the bar until midnight. The next morning, he awoke before five and was out again on the lake before the sun came up.This went on for three days. The manager of the hotel started wondering about the man and took him aside."What's wrong? Most newlyweds can't keep their hands off each other. But you hardly spend any time with her. You're always out on the lake fishing.""Yeah. I like women. But my wife, she has gonorrhea.""Oh! I understand. But still, a man has urges. And there are other ways, like...""Yeah. I've thought of having anal sex with her, but you know... she has diarrhea.""Ah, yes. I can see how more...