Yeah Jokes / Recent Jokes
Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.
The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,
"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure, that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.
"You more...
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Tell me! !
Tell me, is it going in?? yeah... is it hurting??
ooh yeah... ouch it's hurting!!!
ok i'll put it in slowly..
still hurting???
yeah.. then let's try the other shoe madam!!!!!!!!
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Baby doll! !!
A man called his 4th wife-Baby doll.
3rd wife-china doll.
2nd wife-barbie doll &
1st wife.......
Guess what??????
"PANADOL"!!!!!!!
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GOD ASKED!!!!!
God asked a civil engineer, what mistake did i make in designing a woman????
engineer says, Sir the entertainment area is very
close to the DRAINAGE!!!
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Different Voices!!!!!
Different types of voices during SEX.
ENGLISH: oh yes oh yess!
AMERICAN: yeah baby, yeah!
SRI more...
I'm not against Avril Lavigne or anything, I like her, but I heard this, and it was pretty funny. This is the changed lyric to the chorus of Complicated:
"Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?
You see the way I'm scrunching up my pitiful face when I'm on the toilet,
And during this I -
I push, and I strain, and I sweat, and I pray, Dear Lord, that you'll let it come out;
Sooner or later I'll have to leave the bathroom,
Yeah, yeah, yeah..."
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he was wallowing in
despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil.
Devil: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in Hell.
Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a
drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Devil: Well, You're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do.
Drink, Drink, Drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Mt.
Dew. We drink until we throw up and then drink some more.
Guy: Wow, that sounds great.
Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: Yeah, you better believe it.
Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars
from around the world and smooke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's
okay... you're already dead.
Guy: No Way!
Devil: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yeah, I do.
Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack,
horseraces, you name it. we even opened more...
Thoughts and stories from on the jobMy boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for? " I told him, "Nope! I do this for free." This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too". Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work? " I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions? " She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from? " People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah? ?? When's more...
Mouse Balls
Some of the best humor is real-to-life. This story was related to me yesterday by the pastor himself (not a computer literate person by his own admission) as he told of a real phone call he received from the church secretary last week.
Secretary: Pastor, we've got a problem in the computer lab where you met with the confirmation class last week. Some of the boys in the class started messing with the mice.
Pastor: What?!?! {thinking: we've got mice in there????}
Secretary: Yeah, it seems some of the boys removed their balls.
Pastor: {incredulously:} Th..th...they did what?????? How in the world did they do that?
Secretary: They must have used a screwdriver or something.
Pastor: We've got some pretty sick boys... I... I... didn't even realize mice had balls...
Secretary: Yeah, they roll around on' em.
Pastor: What?????? {still thinking of the little fury real animals} more...
A trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees a truck stop on the side of the road, so he decides to pull over. On approaching the door he reads a sign: "NO NERDS". He shrugs it off and enters. He is greeted by the end of a shotgun barrel in his face. "Are you a nerd?" the bartender asks. "No, I'm a truck driver", he replies. He's allowed to come in, so he orders a cup of coffee, sits at the bar and drinks it.
While he drinks his coffee, a man walks in wearing his pants up to his chest, a plaid shirt, pocket protector and thick-framed glasses. The bartender pulls out his shotgun and blows him away. "What the hell did you do that for!?" Asks the trucker. "Well," the bartender answers, "it's nerd season". "Nerd season?" asks the trucker, confused. "Yeah. See, the nerd population in this town is getting out of hand, so we've opened up nerd more...