Yeah Jokes / Recent Jokes

10. How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?
9. Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.
8. Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week.
7. Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.
6. That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.
5. Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.
4. The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.
3. Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look like crap.
2. Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?
1. Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands,
"Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so
pissed I can't even see straight!"
The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse
for wear, pours him a DOUBLE of Southern Comfort.
The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another
ONE!"
The bartender pours the drink, but says "Now, before I give
you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY
you're so upset?"
So the man begins his tale:

"Well, I was sitting in the bar next door when this gorgeous
blonde slinks in, and actually sits beside ME at the bar. I
thought WOW, this has never happened before. You know,
it was kind of a fantasy come TRUE. Well, a couple of
minutes later I feel this hand moving around in my lap and the
blonde leans over, licks my ear, and asks if I'm
INTERESTED? I couldn't believe this was more...

Well, Morgan came home one night. She was 16 at this time. She found her old friend, Joey lying in her bed, with his shirt off. He turned his head and spotted Morgan! Morgan Clark walked over to him and asked,"
Joey"
? "
YEAH, BABY"
! "
OOOOOH"
, Morgan said suprised,"
What are you doing"
, She raised her eyebrow."
Well i sort of thought you were thinking of me, like this... you like me, you love me, you want some more of me"
! "
Good Idea"
, Morgan explained. She pulled of her shirt, and uncliped her braw. She pulled down her pants and slipped off her purple underwear, then she stood butt naked in the middle of the room."
Yeah! Baby!"
< Joey whistled. And they has sex all night!

Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks alright?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.
"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner.
The man was amazed. more...

Just keep in mind this was on live radio....
On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL they call someone at work and ask if they are married or in a serious relationship.
If yes, then this person is asked 3 very personal questions (that vary from couple to couple) and asked for their significant other's name and work phone number. If the significant other answers correctly, then they are winners.
This particular day (12-9-98) it got interesting:
DJ: HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know "Mate Match"?
Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.
DJ: What is your name? First name only please.
Contestant: Brian.
DJ: Are you married or what Brian?
Brian: Yes.
DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean your are "married"? or what?, Brian?
Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes I am married.
DJ: Thank you, Brian. OK, now, what is your wife's name? First only please,
Brian.
Brian: Sara.
DJ: Is Sara at work Brian?
Brian: She is more...

Women's Snappy Comebacks: Man: ="Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: ="Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man: = "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." Man: = "So, wanna go back to my place? " Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" Man: = "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." Man: = "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: = "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." Man: = "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator." Man: = "What sign were you born under?" Woman: "No Parking." Man: = "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" more...

These two Scottish characters are chatting. One of them then pulls out an expensive looking pocket watch from his pocket to check the time. "That's a fine watch you got there!" says the other. "Yeah it is, isn't it? I got it from my grandfather," says the guy with the watch. "Really?" "Yeah, he sold it to me on his death bed."