Wreck Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man crashes in a ship wreck and ends up on an island with no one but a pig and a monkey. There is enough plant life on the island to keep him alive for quite a while. After a couple of months be begins to miss having sex, so decides to fuck the pig since it is female. But when he tries, the dog barks at him cause the dog is using the pig. After a week of trying to have sex with the pig there is a big storm, so he goes to the shore to see what is washed up and then a beautiful naked woman walks out of the water because her ship crashed, and she was BEAUTIFUL, with all the right measurements.
So she walks up to the man and says, "Can I do ANYTHING for you??" And he says, "Yeah, hold off the dog!"
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down."Well, did you see this?""Yes," motioned the monkey."What happened?"The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth."They were drinking?" asked the officer."Yes.""What else?"The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth."They were smoking marijuana?""Yes.""What else?"The monkey motioned "Screwing.""They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer."Yes." "Now more...
Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived. One minute they were driving along the highway, talking and laughing and joking, and the next, BOOM! they were before the Creator of all. Shaking his head, The Omnipotent One looks at the three. "Reform I can understand. But where will it end? You! Goldblum! The ashtrays in your temple so My people could smoke while the Torah was being read???"Goldblum shuddered.God went on. "I can live with that. Men are weak, but the Word is strong!" Goldblum sighed with relief. "Bauman! Really, I can accept My people need to eat, but really: serving Ham Sandwiches to the devout at the temple during Yom Kippur?" Bauman hung his head in shame. "Even that I can allow to pass, even with the eating of that which is not Kosher. I'm not pleased at all with the playing fast and loose with my people, but I can accept these indiscretions."Bauman also heaved a sigh of relief.Finally, He turns to the third more...
There's a Buckeye fan from Ohio driving from Columbus to Ann Arbor, and a Wolverine fan driving from Ann Arbor driving to Columbus. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head-on and both cars go flying off in different directions.
The Wolverine guy manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"
Likewise the Buckeye guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"
The Wolverine guy walks over to the Buckeye guy and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals."
The Buckeye guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm going to see what else surrvived this wreck." So the Buckeye guy pops open more...
A successful, wealthy and very arrogant bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault...
"YOU STUPID REDNECK!" shouted the lawyer, looking with contempt at the redneck in his dirty overalls.
"Now how am I gonna get outa this?" though the redneck to himself. Then he had an idea...
After looking over the handsome, impeccably dressed and dignified city lawyer in his $2,000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, silver cufflinks and black dress shoes polished like mirrors, $1,000 briefcase and hundred dollar haircut, the redneck walked back to his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back.
He handed it to the hotshot and said, "Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this. It'll steady your nerves....IT'S more...
There's a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who's driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other and all cars go flying off in different directions. The squid manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise the ARMY guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The Air Force guy just shakes his head and says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" The NAVY guy walks over to the ARMY and Air Force guys and says, "Hey guys, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals." The ARMY guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! more...
There's a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was
driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who's driving from McGwire in
South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets.
In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other and all cars go
flying off in different directions. The squid manages to climb out of his car and survey the
damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise
the ARMY guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The Air Force guy just shakes
his head and says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"
The NAVY guy walks over to the ARMY and Air Force guys and says, "Hey guys, I think this is a
sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of
arch rivals." The ARMY guy thinks for a moment more...