Woods Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes tofind the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring acauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing."A magic potion" she replies."Well what does it for" he asks. "This potion will make anyone anexcellent golfer."At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She isagreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on hissex life.After a short period of soul searching he decides to try the potion.He goes back to the golf course and completes an excellent game ofgolf. Next he challenges the golf pro and beats him easily. Hespends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at everycourse he manage to get to and having a wonderful time of it. Aftera year he finds himself back at the same course where he found thewitch. Out of curiosity he slices one into the woods so he can talkto her."Well", she asks, "How has your game more...

Tiger Woods has decided not to attend next week's Chevron World Challenge. He'd like to go, but his wife still has his nine iron.


A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog.

The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, women will flock to him like bees to honey."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me. So, "KAZAM" -- she's the most beautiful woman in the more...

Two friends, Al and Mike, were walking through the woods, when suddenly a snake jumped up and bit Mike on the penis. He was quickly down on the ground writhing in pain, so Al yelled,"Wait here while I run and get help!" So Al runs into town, gets to the doctors office, and tells him what happened. The doctor tells him he cannot leave the office, but told Al he would need to bite open the wound and suck out all of the venom. Al runs back into the woods, and finds Mike still writhing in pain.
"What did the doctor say?" asked Mike. And Al told him,
"The doctor says you're gonna die!"

Two small boys, one catholic and one protestant get lost in the woods.
Darkness comes down and they near a monastery. Upon entering they are asked their faith, telling the head monk their religions.
The Catholic lad gets the best of treatment, good food, a good bed near the fireplace. The protestant lad however gets a bowl of cold gruel, and is told to sleep by the drafty door to keep the cold out of the room.
In the morning the head monk asks the boys how it was. "I dreamt I was in heaven, Father" said the Catholic boy. "It was just wonderful."
"I dreamt that I was in hell " said the protestant boy. "And what was that like?" said the holy father. "Just like this place, couldn't get near the fire for catholics!"

Two friends, Fred and Harry were golfing one fine day.
Toward the end of the golf course, Fred had hit his ball into the woods.
Harry, laughed and poked fun, but then somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, just a few yards beyond where Fred has hit his.
Fred looked for a long time, getting angrier every minute.
Finally, in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups, he found his ball.
Instead of just continuing the game, he took his club and thrashed every single buttercup in that patch smashing the weeds to pieces.
All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?!
Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life... better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"
Then more...

Two friends, Fred and Harry were golfing one fine day.Toward the end of the golf course, Fred had hit his ball into the woods.Harry, laughed and poked fun, but then somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, just a few yards beyond where Fred has hit his.Fred looked for a long time, getting angrier every minute.Finally, in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups, he found his ball.Instead of just continuing the game, he took his club and thrashed every single buttercup in that patch smashing the weeds to pieces.All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?! Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life... better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"Then POOF!...she was gone.After Fred got a hold of more...