Wired Jokes

Jim was in a terrible wreck. He was taken to the hospital where he remained comatose for two weeks and when he awake he was ravenous. Finding the call button he rang for the nurse and asked if he could have something to eat.

She told him, "You have a broken jaw and it is wired shut. I can't think of anything that you could eat in that condition."

"Well, could I' pwease' have a cup of coffee?" Jim asked through his clenched jaw.

"We'll try," the nurse told him. "Maybe we can get a straw between your teeth."

But try as they would, it just wouldn't go. Jim grumbled and moaned and swore he was going to die without coffee until the nurse finally said, "Maybe we could give it to you in an enema."

She fixed up the syringe and began to administer it when suddenly Jim winced and drew up.

"Is it too hot?" the nurse asked.

"No, but could you please put more...

IT'S A WONDERFUL MACHINE
The Sweetest Christmas Movie Frank Capra Never Made
-- by David Pogue

I guess I shouldn't have gone to a party where the eggnog was spiked, and maybe I shouldn't have watched the movie It's a Wonderful Life while leafing through MacWeek. But anyway, I had the weirdest dream last night -- like a bizarre black-and-white movie that went like this: Jimmy Stewart stars as Steve' Jobs' Bailey, who runs a beleaguered but beloved small-town computer company. For years, big monopolist Bill' Gates' Potter has been wielding his power and money to gain control of the town. And for years, Steve has fought for survival:' This town needs my measly, one-horse computer, if only to have something for people to use instead of Windows!'

But now an angry mob is banging on Apple's front door, panicking.' The press says your company is doomed!' yells one man.' You killed the clones! We're going to Windows!' calls another.' We want out of our more...

During his sermon, the preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike. As he preached, he continued to move briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
At one point, he moved to one side and got caught up in the cord, nearly tripping before he jerked it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the second pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

three soldiours were in hospital beds and the queen comes to visit them
she goes up to the first man whats wrong with you she says. scabs all over my stomach he says whats the cure she says.wired brush and dettol he says.whats youre ambition she says. to get back out and fight for my country he says.
goes up to the second man.whats wrong with you she says.scabs all over my face he says.whats the cure she says.wired brush and dettol he says.whats youre ambition she says to get back out and fight for my coutry he says
she goes up to the third man whats wrong with you she says.scabs all over my mouth he says.whats the cure she says wired brush and dettol he says.whats youre ambition she says to get the wired brush before these bastards he said