Wide Jokes / Recent Jokes

Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide. Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green. Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide. From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2 we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.

You know you're a redneck if your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.

A man and his wife are doing yard work. The husband says to the wife, "Your rear end is as wide as the grill." She ignores the remark. A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then goes over to his wife while she is bending over working in a flower bed, he measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill."

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. She calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

What grows on the World Wide Web and stings? Internettles.

A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer. The doctor replied, "You must have an awfully wide stance!"

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark. A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver "What's that building there?" "That's the Royal York Hotel" replied the cabbie. "The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About 12 years" replied the cabbie.
"12 years? We build 'em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months."
A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. "What's that building over there?" asked the Texan. "That's the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre" replied the cabbie. "Convention Centre? How long'd it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About three years" replied the cabbie. "Three years? We build 'em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and more...