Western Jokes / Recent Jokes
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, aren't meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian more...
Jock was digging peat at his croft when a passing American tourist asks,
"How much land do you have here?"
"About two acres" Jock replies.
"You know back home it takes me a day to drive around my ranch! " the American boasts.
"Aye", says Jock " I once had a car like that."
When Jock moved to London he constantly annoyed his English acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was. Finally, in exasperation, one said, "Well, if Scotland's so marvelous, how come you didn't stay there?"
"Well," explained Jock " They're all so clever up there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all.
An Irishman stumbles out of a bar and is spied by a Constable.
The Constable approches...
C: Can I help ya lad?
I: Yea, SSSSomebody ssstol my car!
C: Well, wheer was ya car last time ya saw it?
I: It twas at the end of tiss key! (he held up a key already in his hand) At this time the constable notices the Irishman has his manhood out.
C: Hey, Ar ya aware ya expoosing yaself?
I: Ohh God, They got me girl too!
In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who hadbeen going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall andthere he was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when heturned to leave, she approached him for an interview."I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to theWestern Wall and praying?""For about 60 years.""60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?""I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray forall the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safetyand friendship.""How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?""Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."