Welfare Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The officeworker asked her, "How many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied." What are their names?" he asked." LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered." They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them tocome in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call' LeRoy,' and they allcome running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say,' LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered." But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked." Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House, Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse. The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care, for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there. As Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed, dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy's head. And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed, had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed. When out in the garden came a plethora of noise, all drunken and rowdy:' twas Newt and the boys! Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow, gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below. When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear, but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice beer. With a big House leader, all lively and fat: He knew it was Newt, the proponent of GATT! As viscous as vipers, the Republicans came, and Bill recognized them and called more...
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the clergy regularly.
I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?
I am glad to report that my husband who was missing is dead.
This is my ninth child. What are you going to do about it?
Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows for sure.
I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is as dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born.
In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can more...
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money? Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the clergy regularly.I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why? I am glad to report that my husband who was missing is dead.This is my ninth child. What are you going to do about it? Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows for sure.I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is as dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born.In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.My husband got his project cut off two more...
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" he asked.
"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, and Johnny," she answered.
"They're all named Johnny?" he asked. "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call Johnny,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, Johnny, come eat your dinner," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
Off to Welfare recepients, virgins, postal workers, very large people, mild sexual content, etc, etc, etc.
The new Republican agenda calls for elimination of welfare payments for a third child. They're calling it "Three Tykes and You're Out".
While in Hawaii, President Clinton visited volcanoes. He really isn't interested in volcanoes, he was just looking for virgins.
Progress has been slow in the Postal Service contract talks. Postal strikes are forbidden by law, but that hasn't stopped workers from staging job actions such as delivering mail undamaged, on time and to the right address...
Speaking of the Post Office... The new Nixon stamp is different from other stamps. According to the postmaster, you'll be able to accuse the stamp of a cover up, you just won't be able to make it stick. In order to make the new Marilyn Monroe stamp stick, you have to lick it a bunch of times. Oddly enough, most guys don't seem to mind.
A Sellersville, Pa. woman who more...