Wealth Jokes / Recent Jokes

I used to be smug about the Y2K problem even though it was definitely a problem with 100% probability of occurrence. But then I got to thinking about chaos theory and what really causes big problems and disasters. It's the little unexpected things. For example, a barge strikes a bridge causing a train to fall into the water. Who would have predicted that?
So, here's what you really need to watch out for in 1999:
El Kabong. We all know about the problems caused by El Nino and La Nina. No one expects them both to occur simultaneously! They say it's impossible. Ergo, what do you suppose will happen? Both El Nino and La Nina at the same time. I call it El Kabong! It turns out to be the greatest natural disaster in modern time - but wait, there is finally some good news...
Due to the change to the Euro-dollar, a software glitch introduced by a Y2K date fix prevents a stock market meltdown. Investors would have been saved billions when what was just a 1-day panic was suddenly more...

there was this guy who was walking and walking and walking. he soon reached a tree and decided to take a rest so he sat under it and fell asleep. while he was sleeping, he dreamt an angel took him way up in the sky and was showing him aroung a room full of pierced walls so, he asked the angel what the holes in the walls were. the angel replied "every hole in each wall represent a persons wealth. the bigger ur hole in the wall, the wealthier you are." so the man asked "where is my hole?" the angel said he would soon find it... so the man looked and looked and looked. he saw all different sizes of holes. then he came across this VERY LITTLE hole which happened to be his. "this reprresents my wealth? shit! im so freakin poor! well we can change that..." then man stuck his finger into the hole and spun it round and round as to make it bigger. much to his surprise, he awoke and found his finger up his ass!!!

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed. Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter more...

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.
The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.
Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. more...

Hillary was finishing up a day as Senator for New York when the Devil suddenly appeared in her office and made her an offer...
"I am here to offer you a deal," the Devil said. "I will give you unlimited wealth, even more power, and a media that will pander to your every whim.
In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constituents."
Hillary pondered for a moment and then asked, "Unlimited wealth and power?"
"Absolutely unlimited," the Devil asserted.
"A pandering media?" she asked.
"They'll fall over themselves to support you, no matter what you say or do," the Devil assured.
"And you want my soul, my family's souls, and the souls of my constituents?" she asked.
"Yes. All of them," the Devil answered.
Hillary was deep in thought for a moment, then finally spoke:
"So... what's the more...

Big socialist rally at a stadium on Berkley Campus. The crowd is huge. Attendees are hippie throwbacks, Berkley liberals, every pervert imaginable, all of Hollywood, and of course MSNBC. Two Greek columns on the stage. The crowd is waiting in anticipation. Suddenly, the lightning strikes; the entire place fills with smoke; sparks are everywhere. Out of nowhere, above the crowd, appears a giant, ghostly figure. Floating above the stadium, the figure begins to talk, in a booming, rolling voice:
"I have bestowed a new doctrine upon thee!"
"Thou shall worship me and no other!"
"Thou shall covet thy neighbor's wealth, and thou shall enforce the mandatory tithing upon thy neighbor to the higher authority. The higher authority shall distribute thy and thy neighbor's wealth with wisdom!"
"Thou shall not succumb to the false temptation of profit!"
"Thou shall only abort thy first-born no later that the twelfth month after more...