Watchman Jokes / Recent Jokes

On a pirate ship in the sea the watchman says
2 enemy ships ahead captain. then the captain says
ok, go get me my red shirt.
later after the enemy ships are gone the watchman asks
why did you want me to get your red shirt captain,
and he says so then if I die you wont be able to see the blood.
So the watchman goes ok that makes sense.
Then later the watchman says 20 enemy ships ahead captain and the captain says
ok, go get me my brown pants.

Here's a classic story of how government infrastructure develops and its consequences.

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. The decision makers in the upper echelon said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

The decision makers said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

The decision makers said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

The decision makers said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired more...

A blonde was walking by an office building late one night and noticed a sign that read: Press bell for night watchman."
So, she did.
Soon she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally, he made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he growled at the blonde, "what do you want?"
"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it yourself?" the blonde replied.

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman. ”
She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
“Well, ” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want? ”
“I just want to know why you can’t ring the bell for yourself? ”

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. "Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?" "I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"

Telephone relay company night watchman Edward Baker, 31, was killed early Christmas morning by excessive microwave radiation exposure. He was apparently attempting to keep warm next to a telecommunications feed-horn.

Baker had been suspended on a safety violation once last year, according to Northern Manitoba Signal Relay spokesperson Tanya Cooke. She noted that Baker's earlier infraction was for defeating a safety shut-off switch and entering a restricted maintenance catwalk in order to stand in front of the microwave dish.

He had told coworkers that it was the only way he could stay warm during his twelve-hour shift at the station, where winter temperatures often dip to forty below zero. Microwaves can heat water molecules within human tissue in the same way that they heat food in microwave ovens.

For his Christmas shift, Baker reportedly brought a twelve pack of beer and a plastic lawn chair, which he positioned directly in line with the strongest more...

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."
She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"
"I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"